Learning. It starts at birth. And as much as we like to think we know everything at age 16, we keep learning until we die. We learn everyday. From everyone. Sometimes we learn good stuff. Sometimes we learn stuff we should have forgotten 10 minutes ago.
Live and learn, right?
One of the first things we learn (and forget) is how to share.
The Loverlies is a group of ladies who met on a message board. Their common denominator is they all have babies that were born in January, 2007. They became friends online, and then in ‘real life’. They chat, they have their private board and they meet up once a year for good times.
I am not a Loverlie. My BFF Rach is.
Being an Army wife means moving. A lot. So it can wreak havoc on making friends. So when you do, it is usually a fast, frenzied friendship. You bond in ways that most people can’t fathom.
Rach and I only met in 2007. By early 2008, I could not imagine a closer friend. By late 2008, I was gone. And yet, in less than a year, we knew more about each other, and are more loyal to each other than I ever would have expected. Our families merged. Short of hubby swapping, we share everything. Like I have mentioned before, who else but a true BFF would remain a BFF after all but throwing said BFF down the stairs?
The other side of Army wife friendships is learning to trust your friendships. I moved to Fort Bliss in November of 2008. I met new people. And back in Grand Junction, Rach had new friends. Both of us had petty ‘That is MY friend, back OFF!’ moments. I was jealous. She was cheating on me with other hookers! But being the person I am, I never said anything. I simply stewed. Little did I know, Rach was doing the same thing.
You are wondering what the Loverlies have to do with this?
Each year, Rach leaves to go have Happy Hooker time with them. And not me. For a long time, I yearned to be invited. I wanted to have girl time, away from kids and husbands too!
And then I didn’t.
Not because my friendship was faltering. Not because I loved my bestest hooker any less. But because I loved her more.
I have learned that the only friends you want any control of are the ones that you can’t control anyway. The ones that truly count, you don’t need to be with 24/7. You want to be, you can be, but you don’t need to be.
Everyone needs Loverlies. People that you get away to. That you share a bond with. My BFF and I share a lot. Close to everything. But if one person fulfilled all corners of our life, we would never leave the house. I no longer yearn to be a Loverlie. Instead, I look forward to the blackmail photos that inevitably come after each gathering.
B Daddy is my husband. I couldn’t do this without him. OK, so I wouldn’t be doing this without him. Rach is my BFF. And finally I have learned that I can do this without her. Because I know that when I need her, she is there. Hooker boots and all.
Being an Army wife has taught me how to share. Imagine that.
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ah… the joys of learning… why is it usually a pain in the ass?
For Rach, it was a pain in the knee.
For me you became an honorary loverlie about the same time as that pain in the knee. You took care of her when the rest of us couldn’t.
Aw, thanks. But the rest of you would have
This is an excellent entry. I lost my most precious BFF, as you know. I have learned the hard way that you can’t just have one person for everything. Which is why I have Loverlies! But I have you too and I so love you!
Like I said, everyone needs their Loverlies! It is a lesson I wish I had learned long ago.
I’d like to leave a shout out to Amy Torres. She faithfully followed her marine to Jerusalem and I miss her every day.