Today I was at the local shoppette, waiting in line and browsing the magazines to see if Brangelina was adopting a 73rd baby, and lo and behold, there was a book that caught my eye. TXT-pedia – Your Guide to Understanding Texting – Guaranteed to Help You Send a 300 Word Text in 100 Characters or Less.
OK, I am not sure where to start here. The fact that you have to read a book in order to learn how to read a text message. Then there is the fact that if you send me a 300 word message, I am fairly sure that I don’t care how many characters you use. As a general rule, I usually see something shiny out of the corner of my eye and by the time I have read the first line of your text, I have lost interest in whatever you have to say. And my final WTF (see, I can be taught), why the hell are we selling books that teach people how to spell incorrectly?? I see a whole new line in the “…For Dummies” series.
I should have realized what the world was in for when I started chatting online, and saw for the first time “A/S/L”. And then we started to amuse each other, which caused us to LOL. And then you could play wavs in your private AOL chatroom, and that caused us to ROFL. Then we realized we could play nasty wavs, and we started LMAO. Well, I LMAO. You laughed your own off. And if anyone out there says they thought that it would end there, STFU, are you kidding?
Because someone decided that just jumping on the internet at every waking moment was not enough. Now we needed to have electronic social media leashes. It wasn’t bad enough that you couldn’t prove that you were home with the flu, because your boss could GPS your phone, no, now we had to learn a whole new way to type poorly.
And it isn’t even just the acronyms. We actually change the spelling of the words. “You” became “u”. “Your/You’re” became “ur”. And IDK know if it even matters if you meant your or you’re because apparently the Laws of the Interwebz don’t require you to actually use the word that you mean. Now, those examples are one thing. They sort of make some sense, since it is kind of like an abbreviation. Kind of.
But we have yet to cover my pet peeve in the world of texting. IMO, it is just stoopid to change the wurds by simply spelling them wrong. Especially if it makes the original word longer! “My” has become “mai”. Not only that, but now LOLs have been changed to “lulz”. FFS. Really? Does it really surprise ANYONE that autocorrect spits out some really random crap? Some programmer made it so that if you were going to text like a moron, then you probably wouldn’t even notice that you just asked your MIL if your FIL still used bondage. And for the record, that one was really not my fault. Vonage. I meant Vonage. BTW, if you want to laugh until you cry, you really should check out www.damnyouautocorrect.com.
In the meantime, I am going back to the tried and true acronyms that actually make sense and don’t look like a SNAFU. We already know that our kids are FUBARed, so BOHICA people…
But first, I am off to text my BFF Rose.
Kthxbai!
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It looks like I didn’t actually invent texting after all. That means there’s a distinct possiblity that I wasn’t the first person to come with the word ‘hippie’ either. Tres crushed here.
But I know for a fact that I’ve been using BFD longer than you/ve been alive so that gives me some kind of status.
Unfortunately, I don’t know WITH all the rest of it means. I wasn’t lucky enough to marry into acronym heaven. Perhaps you could steer me to that book you were discussing….
OK Mommie Dearest, In the order of appearance:
WTF – What the Fuck
A/S/L – Age/Sex/Location
LOL – Laughing Out Loud
ROFL – Rolling On Floor Laughing
LMAO – Laughing My Ass Off
STFU – Shut the Fuck Up
FFS – For Fuck Sake
MIL – Mother In-Law
FIL – Father In-Law
BTW – By The Way
SNAFU – Situation Normal: All Fucked Up
FUBAR – Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition
BOHICA – Bend Over, Here It Comes Again
BFF – Best Friend Forever
Really? You didn’t know those???