I have always said that I have seen and heard it all. That nothing could amaze me anymore. Surprisingly, I was wrong. Even more surprisingly, the source of my amazement came in the form of an attorney, and a Sergeant Major.
Let’s start with the attorney, but to do that, let me first introduce the players. We start with Matt Inman, the creator and artist behind The Oatmeal, mix in a little FunnyJunk, stir in the possibility of a lawsuit, and viola! What you end up with is a Kool-Aid that tastes good, and is very entertaining. I highly recommend you head to Popehat, and read Part I, Part II, Part III, and finally, Part IV.
If you are still reading this, you have had a giggle or two at The Oatmeal’s response, you have been amazed at the amount of money that the Bear Love Good, Cancer Bad campaign has raised, and you have been floored by the reaction of the potential plaintiff’s attorney.
This has been a learning experience for me. I have learned that not all lawyer-at-the-bottom-of-the-sea jokes are that far off base. I have learned that, contrary to every history class I have ever taken, apparently Walt Disney was the root cause of World War II. I have also learned that no matter how hard you try, sometimes douchebaggery trumps philanthropy. Hopefully, that last thing is a lesson short lived. So far, Indiegogo is standing behind The Oatmeal and not removing the fundraiser like opposing counsel had requested.
Carry on Matt, may your Oatmeal will continue to feed us, long after the dust settles.
As promised, there is the Army…
Recently, the new Sergeant Major of the Army released the proposed changes to the Army’s grooming standards. Some of the changes are common sense. Women can’t have talons on their fingers. Soldiers cannot have mutton chops. Blue and green hair is out of the question. Want to gauge your ears in the Army? Too bad. Don’t even get me started on the proposed regulation that would prevent soldiers from growing any facial hair, even while on leave. B Daddy has a very strict no shave policy while on leave.
And then there are tattoos.
Let me get this out of the way by saying, yes, joining the Army is voluntary. Yes, it is an employer and there are rules. If the SMA wants a regulation stating tattoos cannot be visible while in uniform, okey doke.
To The Army Times, SMA Chandler made the following comment. “…the Army says you are part of the same organization. We all generally look the same. And we do not want you to stand out from the rest of the Army.” Really? While he does go on to say “Yes, we want you to set yourself apart and do great things and so on, but that does not mean tattooing yourself or doing other extreme things that draw attention to you, the individual”, it is a sentiment that I disagree with.
Let me take on the role of conspiracy theorist for a minute. It may start with tattoos, but where does it end? Why should we stop there? Let’s have a cookie cutter army. Let’s have Hitler’s blond hair, blue eyed army. Wait, if we are going to have them all identical, then we can do away with promotions and awards. No more ASVAB tests, because everyone is the same. No more performance evaluations. Wait. Will the women be gone? Or will they get their own army of cookie cutters?
I know that I sound extreme. And I am sure most people think it is simply because I have so many of my own tattoos. But it isn’t. I am not in the Army. And when I start a new job, they either hire me with the tattoos, or they don’t. However if they DO hire me, and I excel at my job, I don’t expect to have to defend being the person that they hired in the first place.
Basically, the Army opened the door. They let people in with tattoos. They held the door open as soldiers got tattoos after they joined. I just don’t see how the Army will be able to close the door at this point.
Let me close with one last rant. As an Army wife, there are a few things that people say that completely irritate me, and unfortunately, SMA Chandler said one of those things. In his Army Times interview, he said “You chose to join the Army, …The Army didn’t choose to join you.” To me, that is just another way of saying “Just suck it…”
Maybe I should just get The Oatmeal to cartoon my response. Or maybe I should ask that wonderful attorney to sue for me. Better yet, maybe I should just grab my husband and go check out our new counter tops… Yeah. I pick that one too.